Do I Want to be a Working Mom When Maternity Leave Ends?


Are people ever 100% confident in a decision they make? I mean, do they feel completely assured that they are making the best choice for their family? As I sit here and type this, I have mixed feelings about the fact I only have 17 days of maternity leave left.

After being home with my 2 babies for the past 3 months, I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that I will no longer be spending my days in jammies with Raffi playing in the background, nursing my beautiful daughter while my 2 year-old son destroys the house just out of my reach. I will no longer be counting down the hours until my husband gets home from work to tell him what a crazy but amazing day I had and how I desperately needed a glass of wine (ok, I tried not to have a glass of wine every night).

I am trying to come to terms that my daughter will learn to take a bottle, even though it is against what nature intended. The fact that someone else will be loving on my children while I’m at work and trying to provide a substitute love of which should be a mother’s love is something I’m struggling with. I am so grateful that my sister will be the one watching my kids; there isn’t anyone else I would rather have watch them if it can’t be me or my husband.

 I can’t help but wonder, will my kids resent the fact that I work? Will I look back on these years and regret the fact that I was a working mom? Will I be thankful that I have a career once my babies have grown and no longer need me home with them?

My career is so fulfilling and the place I work at is a respectful, nurturing and appreciative environment. Yet, why am I filled with guilt as my maternity leave is coming to an end? Is this guilt there because moms aren’t supposed to work so soon after having kids? Is it in our DNA to stay at home and raise our babies? I don’t know. It’s hard to have such mixed emotions about a decision. I have missed my work friends and clients dearly, and I have missed the problem solving I get to take part in at work, but will I miss my babies more when I go back to work? Again, I don’t know.

You would think with this being my second maternity leave, I would have this whole returning to work thing dialed in. Unfortunately, my first maternity leave and postpartum experience was filled with anxiety, depression and fear, something that took quite some time to battle. I was robbed of enjoying my first maternity leave due to this internal battle I was fighting. Because of this, I never truly experienced what maternity leave was supposed to be about and therefore never had a chance to miss it after returning to work.

This time is different. I had a redeeming birth and have had such an enjoyable maternity leave. It leaves me thinking, am I making the right decision to return to work? I don’t think I will ever be 100% confident in making this decision one way or the other. I just have to do my best of weighing the pros and cons and make the decision which I hope to be the best for my family and for me.

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Sara is an Arizona native who grew up in North Phoenix and has been married to her high school sweetheart, Jake, for almost seven years. They have an energetic little boy, and just welcomed a sweet baby girl into this world. The true boss of the household is Cici, their Pomeranian, who wishes she still remained an only child. Sara majored in accounting at the University of Arizona and received her master’s in taxation from Arizona State (although she remains a Wildcat at heart!) Sara finds so much joy in helping people plan for the future through financial planning and tax preparation. Some of Sara’s favorite things include: outdoor adventures, hot yoga, sushi, coffee, wine and running (which probably more closely resembles slow jogging). While Sara is a true introvert at heart who thrives on a night-in at home with the family, she is trying to be more adventurous, hence joining the North Phoenix Moms Blog team!



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