Ending the Mommy Wars: We are Working Mamas and SAHM Mamas

This week, we are bringing you the first installment of our “Ending The Mommy Wars” series as we make the committment to Love More and Judge Less. First up, we tackle perhaps the most well-publicized battle. It is that of Working Mamas versus Stay At Home Mamas (SAHM). Whether by choice or by necessity, our employment status as mamas is something that is highly personal and not always an easy decision to make….or make peace with. Here at North Phoenix Moms Blog, our contributors work hard every day. Inside the home and out. For our families and along side our families. But regardless of whether our morning commute takes us on every highway in the Valley, or down the block to the local playground we all have one goal in mind….doing what is best for our family.

Meet Eileen and Rachel, two of our contributing mamas who are sharing just why they do what they do every day. Join us in Loving More and Judging Less.

Eileen: Stay at Home Mama

“Being a stay-at-home mom was never in my life’s plan. But through a series of choices and circumstances, becoming a stay-at-home mom is exactly what happened. In the middle of my maternity leave, we had a “life is what happens while you are making other plans” moment: we found out we were going to be moving from Texas to Virginia. Again, not something we wanted or planned to do, but that’s military life for you! I still planned to work, but after several jobs in our new area fell through, I realized the universe may be trying to tell me something. In the end, both my husband and I were at peace with me not working.

I am often asked if I will return to work now that my daughter will be entering kindergarten in the fall. I always jokingly say “I’m retired”! Part of me wonders if it was the right decision. I worry about not using my education. I realize we could have a lot more money and savings if I were still working. I worry about not setting a good example for my daughter, as I fully expect her to get an education and have a job that allows her to support herself and a family if she needs to. She has never seen that side of me. My career was a big part of me and a part of me mourns letting it go. I do keep my license current because you never know what the future holds. But at this time I don’t plan to go back to work, at least not in the pharmacy.

I don’t think there is any wrong or right answer.  I am thankful I had the opportunity to do what I did before and I am thankful to have the opportunity to do what I do now. I am thankful for the choices and options.  I have a lot of respect for working moms, stay-at-home moms and ALL moms.”

Rachel: Working Mama

“For my family it has always been required that both my husband and I work. I have held a job since I was 15 years old so it’s just the norm for me. I would be over the moon if I was able to cut down to part-time but currently that isn’t an option. So, I do what I need to in order to provide for my children. Just think of me as a female lion. She is the one who hunts and brings back the food for her family/pride…I clearly have been watching too much Lion King which my kids are REALLY into right now. I’m super blessed that my husband currently works from home. We are a bit of a Modern Family in the sense that he does a lot of what would typically be considered a mother’s job like running the kids around and such.

For me it is so difficult to be a working mom. I miss out on so many events at my daughter’s preschool; things I want to be there for but cannot. This year her class had a Mother’s Day event which I could not attend because my employer had an event that I needed to be at. I think as a working mom I rely a lot on my family to pull together (you know it takes a village to raise a child.) We are able to have her great-grandma fill in when my husband and I aren’t available for such events.

As a full-time working mom I don’t think I work any harder than a stay-at-home mom. I think often we try too much to compare ourselves to others and it is seriously the thief of joy. What happens when I’m at home on the weekends?! I have the job of the stay-at home mom…just with my spouse there backing me up. So it’s not entirely the same. Well my point is, on my day off I’m surely not relaxing. I’m busy doing a million things for my household…a taste of the job of  a stay-at-home mommy. It’s not easy folks!

Here’s the thing, we all sacrifice when we choose to become a parent. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom vs. working mom, breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, natural birth vs. scheduled c-sections, co-sleeping vs. independent sleeping each and every single one of us has sacrificed in some way. No matter how you make things work or which side you pick raising your child, it is one of the best experiences of life. So as we do with our own children, let’s just choose to love more…no matter what end of the spectrum we are on. It’s time to end mommy wars.”