Okay, I should clarify; I didn’t make my husband (a grown man), do anything to his body that he didn’t want done. However, I did have to convince him hardcore about the benefits of a vasectomy procedure (mainly the P in the V dynamic he much enjoys without restrictions).
I should also back up a bit to give you some reproductive history. For starters, we have two healthy kids (ages 4 and 7). We both agreed we were done after baby #2, but because of my sensitivity to hormonal birth control and condoms, we were strictly charting my fertility … except for that one time last summer when he decided to release his swimmers while I was ovulating only for me to be like WT?! and for him to respond, “Didn’t you just have your period?” I said, “Yes, yes I did 14 days ago.” (Text book ovulating timing here folks.) So, it was no surprise, 4 weeks later I was freaking out about a missed period and finally gave in and peed on a stick. Turns out fertility charting only works if BOTH partners read the chart.
So, I got knocked up and in a panic, tried every tea and herb I could find to flush my uterus, only to feel anxious and sad about the whole thing and decided we would in fact bring another human into this world, just in time for my body to catch up to my mind and heart and miscarry at about 7 weeks. Anyway, after that quite traumatic experience and roller coaster of emotional highs lows and relief, I became adamant about the vasectomy.
- I reminded my husband that this would allow for maximum enjoyment without the withdrawal method.
- I reminded my husband that the rate for success was 99.85% effective (even higher after follow up sperm count).
- I reminded my husband that I had grown and birthed two beautiful babies.
- I reminded my husband that I had carried the birth control responsibility for the last 14 years of our reproductive history together.
- I reminded my husband that I had tried every possible method of birth control and not one of them worked well for my body.
- I reminded my husband that I had the cash in hand for the procedure (but, thankfully our insurance covered ALL of it unexpectedly).
- I reminded my husband that I would take care of him during his recovery.
- I reminded my husband that he would get a week off from work to recover.
- I reminded my husband that his pain wouldn’t come close to the natural childbirth I endured.
- I reminded my husband that his pain wouldn’t come close to the miscarriage I endured.
- I reminded my husband that his pain wouldn’t come close to the emotional mess I experienced after the unplanned pregnancy and miscarriage.
- I reminded my husband that the side effects from the vasectomy were still better than me getting pregnant again.
- I reminded my husband that we both agreed no more babies.
- I shared some statistics with my husband like, “Fatalities per 100,000: tubal ligation = 3.51; vasectomy = 0
Approximate cost: tubal ligation = $2,500; vasectomy = $750 – 850” source.
- I swore there would be no P in my V until this procedure was scheduled.
And I asked him everyday if he had called to schedule his appointment- because I fully believe in bodily autonomy and since it’s not my body being surgically altered, I refused to make the appointment for him, out of respect for him and his body. But you guys, nagging worked! Either that or the fact he wasn’t “getting any” until he did; regardless of his motive, he did in fact, schedule the appointment.
And then, I went with him and sat in the room while the procedure was completed. Because he was with me when I birthed our babies, and I felt like I needed the closure of our reproductive relationship. I needed to know everything that the doctor told him and what he did to feel complete trust in the procedure. I doubt most women feel this way, but after our history, I wanted to feel completely confident that I wouldn’t get pregnant ever again.
So while I didn’t really “make him” get the vasectomy, I did make very clear expectations and established clear boundaries for myself and my body. I’m so happy he opted for this procedure, because even though, yes, he did have to take a bit longer to recover and there were mild complications, his overall experience was and is better than us making more humans. Now we can focus on the kids we already have and enjoy our alone time, and not have to worry about getting pregnant again, because I don’t want to go through that again.