I saw a meme a while back and it asked this question: Would you marry you? In in my honest self-reflection at that time, I said No. My initial response was nah I’m crazy. I can be moody. A little passive aggressive. Sometimes I am open and other times I am closed off. Indecisive much. I felt I was too complicated. Even though I was slightly joking about my initial reaction, I did start thinking about this question deeper. Will you marry you?
As I was thinking about whether or not I would marry myself, I was also reading a book called “Girl Wash Your Face” by Rachel Hollis. She mentioned something that has stuck with me. It was probably my most important take away from the entire book. Actually, the whole book resonated with me. She asked: “If you have a best friend that constantly flaked on you, how long would she be your friend?” She followed that question up with: “So why do you flake on yourself?” Now what does this have to do with if you should marry yourself or not? I’m getting there, slow down a little, stay with me.
Do you flake on yourself?
Have you ever told yourself that you would do something and didn’t do it?
Would you marry you? Or would you stay married to you?
Have you ever made a commitment to yourself and didn’t keep it?
Would you marry you? Or would you stay married to you?
Have you made a promise to yourself and broke it?
Would you marry you? Or would you stay married to you?
If you have only done these things a couple of times, you may be safe to marry yourself. If you are anything like me and have broken countless promises, tons of commitments, and lied to myself multiple times, its safe to say my marriage to myself would not have lasted.
Most of my broken promises were a result of me not putting my mental, physical and emotional health as a priority. I would tell myself I would start that diet Monday. I may have or may not have started said diet on Monday. Sometimes I would push this Monday to next Monday and the next and the next. I would start a health and fitness journey only to encounter a stressful moment. I had never built-up good stress management skills therefore eating and sitting became my comfort. I would repeat the cycle of emotional eating, stressing about eating, starting a diet, stressing about the diet, quitting the diet, stressing about quitting the diet, eating due to the stress of quitting the diet, and repeat.
Get to the proposal already!
Okay. Okay.
Will you marry you?
Will you love yourself today?
Will you love yourself the way you are in this moment?
Will you love all of you forever and ever?
In sickness and in health….
So, what is this proposal really about?
I am glad you asked. Have you ever said something along these lines? I would love this dress if I was 10 pounds lighter or heavier. I would love the way I looked if I didn’t have *insert your least favorable attribute*. My body would be perfect if I lose/gain weight. I will love going shopping then. If my *insert physical feature* was more toned, I would love to wear *insert clothes you avoid*. Or any other form of stipulation as to why you do not love yourself right now in this present moment. This “I will love myself when” does not only pertain to physical appearances. If only I were smarter, then I could. I wish I was smart in *subject* like everyone else. I am *horrible descriptive word* because I can’t just be happy like the people I know.
It’s understandable. I can totally relate to having some of these thoughts and feelings. Self-doubt creeping in when you least expect it causing you to stress. Negative self-talk beating you before you even began. Have you ever stopped to think about what you are actually telling yourself? Like the message you are receiving from these thoughts? I recently started evaluating my self-talk and learned that I can be my biggest critic. However, it’s not to late. You do not have to let your mind be victorious over your thoughts. It is possible to reframe your self-talk. You can learn to speak positively to yourself.
My proposal to you
Today I ask you to break up with the “I will love me when…” statements. Fire those thoughts of needing to be better in order for you to be happy. Dismiss the idea that the “you” today is not worth loving completely. Make a daily effort to speak positively to yourself because you are listening. Make small realistic goals that will keep you motivated. Once you achieve a goal celebrate your hard work. Focus on, identify and praise the parts you love about yourself. You will start to notice more things that you love or you will start loving more things about yourself.
Love yourself enough so that you’re happy to accept your proposal.
