I get more than a little self conscious when I think too hard about my situation: I write for a mom blog, yet I’m not the person who spends most of the day with my kids. I change maybe two or three diapers a day and I come home to a clean-ish house that I haven’t touched all day. I’m not the one who talks to my daughter’s preschool teacher when she gets picked up. I have a pretty dang amazing husband that stays home most days with the kids, is doing full-time school, and runs a small eBay business.
Our situation is partially our choice- my husband lost his job last spring, but we decided that this was the kick in the pants our family needed to do what we needed to do to finish his last year of school. We’re still working through the kinks of how to balance my job, his school, the kids’ needs, household chores, our relationship, and our budget, but it’s starting to feel a little bit more like normal. But what feels like normal at home doesn’t always feel like normal when I start playing the comparing game.
I’ve been a working mom the entirety of my kids’ lives, and it’s probably due to my own insecurities, but I’ve always felt like an outsider. I feel like there’s a magical world of playdates and MOPS and daytime TV that I’ll never fully belong to- a world where you get to see your kids outside of the few end-of-day meltdown hours after work. There’s a serious case of greener grass envy syndrome happening here- when I stay with my kids during the summer months, I get a healthy dose of reality. Raising children is incredibly hard work, no matter the hours you keep.
But if I feel like an outsider, my husband is doubly so. It’s pretty hard to connect to other parents at library storytimes when you’re the sole representative of your gender over four years old. I don’t want to get into a sociological discussion over gender roles, but thinking about our family’s situation got me thinking about parenting as a whole. The more time I devote to the issue, the more I’m convinced that raising kids involves a much more diverse group of people than June Cleaver would have us imagine.
I can’t be the only parent out there that feels like a stranger in the room when parenting roles come up, so let’s hear it for anyone who feels insecure. We’re all here to do our best for our kids, whether we do it as single parents, grandparents, dads, working moms, stay-at-home moms, families who switch shifts to be with the kids, or anything else. I’m going to throw it out there that the West Valley Mom’s Blog thinks y’all are pretty awesome, no matter your family situation.
We’re here to be a resource for those days when you’re about ready to check the return policy on your preschooler who has busted your lip, bitten you twice, and peed on the only rug in the house (been there). We want to support you on those days when you excitedly race home from work to take your kids to the park and on those days when you’d sell a kidney for an uninterrupted shower. So here’s a shout out for every parent who’s ever felt like a weirdo or a loner or an outcast. We like you a lot and want you to stay here for a while.
Interesting perspective, and well written! I think we all feel like outsiders sometimes, and we would all ‘sell a kidney for an uninterrupted shower’ once in a while!
Too true! Even after a year at home, I still feel strange if I go to the mall in the middle of the day, like I’m playing hooky. Actually, since I work from home, I kind of am. 🙂
At the mall today, I did see a couple dads with their kids (even wearing their babies in Bjorns!). Maybe Josh can come to the playdate next time. 🙂 Good point that West Valley Mom’s Blog supports dads too!
I think it’s very honorable that you spoke your heart and made yourself vulnerable. As a mom who worked full time as the sole provider and yearned to stay home with my first child, and now a stay at home mother who yearns for “an uninterrupted shower,” I have learned that parenthood is a tough job from all perspectives. I used to think the grass was greener, but now I have learned to just be thankful in any situation. I agree…I feel like an outsider in the professional world now and actually in the SAHM world too now because I have not met the expectations I set for myself when I transitioned. At least we are all not alone. 🙂 Well written and very true! 🙂