Setting Boundaries, Saying No, and Keeping Your Circle Healthy


Hey lady, its been quite a long year and its only August! I apologize for my absence, things have certainly been a rollercoaster. The last time we were here I gave an intro about who I am, and a brief overview of what I want to talk about; triggers, boundaries, short term and long term goals, and 5 year plans. But I need to talk about something else: the state of our mental health in this moment, setting boundaries, saying no, and keeping your circle of support healthy. 

I’m going to be honest, I second guess my decisions on a daily basis. I question whether or not my sobriety is in danger every day. I see my current friendship circles and wonder whether or not I’m watering it enough or if its time to cull and salt the earth and move on. I live day by day, sometimes hour by hour, and it is exhausting, daunting, causes so much anxiety that sometimes all I want to do is lay in bed and cry. This world is constantly testing us, testing our strength, our morals and ethics. 

It’s okay to set healthy boundaries. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to trim your “friendship garden” if they aren’t supportive in your recovery. This is all okay. Trust me friend, it will be okay. 

Recovery is a long, hard, rewarding road, and when you get to the end, you have all of these amazing tools, to build a new road, a new path to the next best thing. The next adventure in your ever-changing life. 

Girl, I want to see how badass you can be. I want to see you smile, knowing that in your heart and in your mind you have recovered, you have set healthy boundaries, you have watered and weeded your friendship garden, and you have a support system you can rely on, a support system that can rely on you. You can do great things. You can do brilliant, amazing, beautiful, happy things. 

You, my friend are beautiful. You are brilliant. You are amazing. Turn your daily mantras into a vibe. Dance, sing, scream, cry, run, be free. Let loose your hair, and your restrictions and feel the energy flow through your weary, battle-hardened soul. Feel your recovery and your peace of heart and mind, because no one, AND I MEAN NO ONE, can tell you how you should feel, what you should feel, and how short or long your recovery should or should not be. 

You are in control. You are powerful enough to fight your demons, and addictions. Girl, you got this! 

To set a healthy boundary, know your limitations. Know what you can and cannot do and participate in. Find your voice when your mental health and sobriety and your peace is questioned. It is ok to tell someone “Hey, I am not ready to be a part of that scene.” No one will know what you are and are not ready to do, only you. Its okay to tell your friends and family that you are working on your sobriety and mental health, and you need time to learn to love yourself again. 

To say no, when you are tempted to go out and drink or participate in a behavior that you know will set you back, you can say “No thank you. This is not healthy for me right now.” Rinse and repeat. As many times as you need to, you might lose “friends” but you will find yourself. 

Weeding and watering your friendship garden will be the hardest. You will have to look at your friends through your logic glasses and see who has been a support system for you, who has encouraged behavior unhealthy to your recovery and mental health and who continues to cheer you on from the sidelines. But this also means taking inventory of how you impact your garden. Are YOU healthy for someone in recovery? Are you being supportive and impactful for those in your garden who need it? Learning to water and weed your garden also means getting personal with your behaviors and changing them. This, my dear friend, will be the hardest part. You won’t want to let go of those friendships, you won’t want to admit your faults and behaviors, and you may not want to face the truth that you weren’t the best gardener, but you can learn to be better. 

I want to hear your voice. I want to answer questions you might have about recovery, strength, even if its just to vent or cry. Message me. You can find me at @underground_alle on Instagram. 





  1. I’m so proud of you dear friend! You are rocking your sobriety, one moment, one second at a time. Rooting for you today and everyday.


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