I’m Really Scared to be Pregnant Again

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I absolutely love being a mom. The last 2.5 years have been some of the best of my life,  and I feel both blessed and lucky that I have a happy, healthy daughter. In fact, I’ve loved the past few years so much I’m starting to get the itch to do it all over again. I would love to see our daughter become a big sister, and I miss the squishy adorableness and innocence of a brand new baby!

But I’m really scared to get pregnant again … 

I had a horrible pregnancy…hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme nausea and vomiting,) pre-term labor, IUGR, and an induced delivery. I had a hospital stay at 23 weeks pregnant, followed up with a complete bedrest instruction until delivery. I was on a lot of medication and had to set my alarm to wake up in the middle of the night, EVERY single night.

I’m going to be vulnerable and share that I had some very dark thoughts during my pregnancy. The sickness was unrelenting and it felt like it would never end. It was, of course, all worth it, and I’m fortunate I delivered a healthy baby as I know not everyone is as lucky as I was.

But, to say that I am scared to be pregnant again would be an understatement. I’m terrified!

I visited my doctor recently and we have a pre-conception plan for me to get as healthy as possible before conception, in the hopes it decreases the likelihood of some of the pregnancy complications I had the first time. I’m also trying to get everything in my life “organized”….clean out the closets, potty train our toddler, get our finances in order….basically trying to get our household running as smoothly as possible in case I end up being unable to do anything for 9 months. But, eventually, there’s only so much organizing and planning I can do, and it comes to a point where I just have to have faith, which is hard for this controlling mama who always wants to find a solution to all problems 🙂 But I’m working on it. I’m practicing letting go, and trusting it will all work out in the end.

Looking at old baby photos of my daughter helps too! 

 Does anyone else feel scared to be pregnant again after a rough first pregnancy? Comment below with your story.

6 COMMENTS

  1. Thanks for sharing your story! I am absolutely terrified to be pregnant again too. I had horrible morning sickness until 20 weeks, gained 70 lbs, had low blood sugar, dizziness, high blood pressure. Had to be induced at 37 weeks then had an unplanned emergency c section. Ugh.. However, I do want Ariah to be a big sister and don’t feel like our family is “complete” yet. I wish I was that person who is all cute and happy pregnant… Not me. It’s a sacrifice for sure. We just have to hope and pray the second time isn’t the same. <3

    • Ugh, it sounds like yours was similar to mine with the sickness and the induction! I feel the same way-our family isn’t complete yet, but it will definitely be a sacrifice to do it all over again!

  2. Yes, I’ve been contemplating walking this road again or not. I have lost 3 babies and it took many years to get my miracle. The “itch” is there,
    I’m not getting any younger, yet I worry about the pregnancy–will the child be ok? Will I? When does courage outweigh fear? May we all get the desires of our heart, whatever that looks like. Thanks for sharing!

    • I’m so sorry for your losses, and so happy you have your miracle baby now <3 I hope we both are able to complete our families the way we would like to!

  3. My pregnancy was a different kind of scary and mostly circumstantial with twins. I am of course scared of going for a 3rd and ending up with twins again, but I actually googled the odds and they are far less likely than my chances of having twins the first time around. My biggest concerns are the first trimester fatigue and sickness with 2 toddlers and a business to run; the first few months after a baby arrives and there is no sleep and there are still 2 toddlers and now a newborn to care for; and then down the road when that one is likely to begin walking and having 3 toddlers going in all directions. There are days I think we can’t possibly add to the chaos, but then I never thought we’d manage 2 at once and we did, so one more might not be so hard. I think the not knowing what will happen but knowing what COULD happen is maybe what’s the most frightening. Even if your second pregnancy is like the first, you likely adopted skills the first time around that can help you get through it again if you have to (and hopefully you won’t have to).

    • I know, having a toddler to take care of the second time around (in addition to our businesses) sounds impossible! But I try to remember that even though 9 months feels like forever it is only a little blip in time in comparison to your whole life! And so true-I have so many resources and support now to get what I need if it’s as bad the second time around. xoxo.

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