Why Nagging is Poison to a Marriage

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When I told my husband I would be writing a post on nagging, he laughed. Why you ask? Because I deal with this nagging battle on a daily basis and my husband knows of this struggle. I quickly followed up my blog idea by clarifying that I would be writing about how nagging is a necessity in order to maintain any form of a clean household (a follow-up that he didn’t find nearly as funny!). All laughs aside, nagging is truly poison to a marriage. 

nagging

So why do we, as women, get labelled as being “naggers” and/or have a tendency to nag? I guess I better restate that. I won’t lump all women into one category, as I’m sure some women have this whole marriage thing nailed down to a science and don’t do any of these things, so I’ll just go ahead and speak for myself.

Why do I nag so much? It’s not as if I enjoy doing it. One of the main reasons I nag is because I’m tired. I’m just so tired. It’s amazing how there can be crumbs on the counter top from my husband’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I could act totally different depending on my level of exhaustion. If I just had an amazing mocha latte, I will gladly pick-up #allthethings. But, catch me on a morning after I’ve been up all night with my 6 month old and it’s a whole different story.

Ironic how it takes the same amount of energy to sweep those crumbs into the trash as it does to blow up and complain about how I always have to clean up after everyone. I mean come on, what are we accomplishing by complaining and nagging? Do we really think our husbands or significant others are going to respond when we ask in that tone?

One of my favorite nagging lines to use is “If I don’t say anything, it will never get done.” Tell me I’m not the only one to use this line!

But to be honest, this phrase is actually quite the exaggeration. By constantly “reminding” my husband to do/not to do various things I am really not even giving him a chance to step-up and get things done. I need to start thinking the best of my husband and give him the benefit of the doubt. I’m not the only one who can feel busy, overwhelmed, and exhausted.

Our marriage is not a competition. Erase that tally you are keeping in your head of how many times you have changed the diaper, woken up with the baby, battled the toddler’s room cleaning compared to the times he has taken on these tasks. We shouldn’t be comparing which spouse does what or who does more, but instead we should be working together as a team to better our lives, our kids’ lives and our community.

So let’s give our significant other a break and stop nagging so much. I find myself thinking (of course after I have nagged my husband) man…I would never treat my best friend that way. If my girlfriend left her shoes in the middle of the floor where I constantly trip over them, would I jump down her throat and dramatically kick them out of the way (hypothetically of course)? No way!

So, what if before we open our mouth to correct our husband or partner, or make a sly comment, we think to ourselves, “Would I say that to my best friend?” Think of all the nagging moments and arguments we would save from poisoning our marriage. Easier said than done, but wow, what an impact that would have on our marriages.

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Sara is an Arizona native who grew up in North Phoenix and has been married to her high school sweetheart, Jake, for almost seven years. They have an energetic little boy, and just welcomed a sweet baby girl into this world. The true boss of the household is Cici, their Pomeranian, who wishes she still remained an only child. Sara majored in accounting at the University of Arizona and received her master’s in taxation from Arizona State (although she remains a Wildcat at heart!) Sara finds so much joy in helping people plan for the future through financial planning and tax preparation. Some of Sara’s favorite things include: outdoor adventures, hot yoga, sushi, coffee, wine and running (which probably more closely resembles slow jogging). While Sara is a true introvert at heart who thrives on a night-in at home with the family, she is trying to be more adventurous, hence joining the North Phoenix Moms Blog team!

2 COMMENTS

  1. I love this Sar!!! You’re a smart cookie. So very true! All of it! No, I am not currently married, and don’t have a teammate. I did learn a lot from my marriage, and nagging is no Bueno. Only damaging. Feeling competitive and like the devils advocate with each other, instead of a partnership and best friend…. Never ends well. Miss you!

  2. Hi Sara

    I quite like your post, it is not that ‘he is guilty, he has to change’ crap I came across in most of the other articles. I might offer you an idea. Have you ever considered male vs. female standards of cleanliness and order? Who sets the standard in your home?

    There are a lot of bachelor jokes about that out there, I know it is stereotyped but there is some truth to them. My home is an example of that, and yes I am a confirmed bachelor. I think women nagging in the end comes down to that, their standard is so much higher than a man’s. Men just don’t care that much, women want a nest, men are content with a cave 😉

    My advice would be to sit down and calmly talk about this topic and find a compromise. Understanding the other’s view definitely is an antidote to nagging.

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