The past three months of my life have been absolutely consumed with trying to move. There are so many steps in the process, so many points where things can go wrong and I really couldn’t believe our new house was really going to be ours until the second we had the keys in our hands. It didn’t help that the process was so insane this time around thanks to an incredibly hot real estate market. As we hunted for a house, I found myself feeling like house hunting and dating had a lot in common – and not just because so much of both happens online these days…
In both house hunting and dating there are butterflies and there are heartbreaks. There are moments where you think THIS is the one! It was meant to be! Then you find out it was not meant to be, and you feel a bit devastated for a while.
In house hunting and dating there are potential matches that look great on the outside and are actually a hot mess on the inside. Some people might be into ambitious projects of gutting that mess and rebuilding, but I’d rather have the good foundation in place.
In house hunting and dating you have to know your deal breakers or you are going to either end up with something that causes you a lot of heartache or else miss out on something really great just because it isn’t perfect. There might be a list of things you want in an ideal house or life partner, but odds are that perfect house and partner don’t exist. It is okay to have SOME deal breakers – be that kids vs. no kids in a relationship and HOA vs. no HOA in the housing world. For us, deal breakers revolved around location, size, and price point. Everything else was preference. You’ll likely save yourself a lot of time and frustration if you don’t date, aka tour, houses that involve a deal breaker.
Here’s perhaps the most important way that house hunting and dating are similar: In the end, YOU are the one who has to live with your commitment. So unless an expert is warning you of some major red flags, other people’s thoughts on the matter don’t get to count for much. YOU are the one who knows what will make you happy and how you will feel with it when no one else is around. YOU have to live with the 40 minute commute or the septic tank system or the HOA rule about paint colors or going up and down stairs 20 times a day (and whatever the equivalent of those are in a life partner- for me it is constantly finding his socks on the floor).
And for me, the biggest similarity between dating and house hunting is:
I NEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN. Mostly, this whole season of trying to find a house has reminded me just how much I am THANKFUL that I have found a long term partner and will ideally never have to date again. I also hope we stay in this house for a very long time. There are SO many other ways I’d rather spend my time (including working on the house I have!) than hunting for a new house and going through the crazy stress of moving again. I know I am so privileged that this even gets to be one of the stresses I am dealing with, and I am OH SO THANKFUL for what I have- both my hubby and my house.