Tears well in my eyes as I glance into your room and find you asleep, half on & half off your bed, in your usual nap position. It all began with an hour and 40 minutes of “trying” to fall asleep including reading books to your various babies, opening an entire bag of water balloons, throwing them all over your room yelling “let’s celebrate,” singing a few songs, and coming up with over 10 excuses of why you don’t need to nap today. But, finally it happens; the exhaustions wins. And there you lay, a small lump of pure delight puddled on the floor. In this quiet moment I can truly see your glory.
In fact it overwhelms me.
I want to memorize those still tiny feet and toe nails, those strong little legs, those lean little arms, that round face that is nothing short of angelic, and those wild curls that are so fittingly you. My mind starts filling with all the things about you that will soon be different. Soon, words will cease to come out adoringly imperfect; the pure delight you show when you get to go ride your bike with us will fade; the way you try to comfort your baby sister just a little too roughly as a 2 ½ is prone to do will end, the shameless fun you have running around naked will go away; and the small snuggles you often give won’t be so tiny.
You, my 2 ½ year old, are amazing!
If only I could harness the overwhelming adoration, love, and reverence that I have for you right now. Because I know that when you wake your loud sweet voice will fill the room. From your mouth will come tender, curious statements, loud commands, or tantrum screams, so fierce from a desire that neither your words nor your body can yet properly express. In these moments I am often short and respond too quickly. I attempt to silence your learning how to be in this world with my frustration. I pray for an understanding and gentleness that isn’t often provoked by this outburst of behavior.
I am sorry that I find myself at my wits end and react against your strong, strong will. But if I pause, I do see your heart that is so full with fierce passion and desire. I do not want to squish this, but instead encourage you to harness your fierceness so that it will serve you well in this life.
I hope for so much for you, but mostly that you will be free to be fully you and that I will not get too much in the way.
I love you.